Coming into this course my second semester of college, I was initially nervous about the class. In high school, English has always been my least strong subject and writing was always tough. My initial goals for the semester were to complete the essays, do my work on time, and do as well as I could. As the semester went along, my writing felt my writing gradually improved. While working essays, I began to feel more comfortable making arguments, especially when explaining quotes. I thought the rhetorical analysis paper would come easily to me since I’ve written many previously, but this was the essay I had the most trouble in. My favorite skill I’ve gotten from this class is the ability to really see how people use rhetoric every day to send a message and convince others. Overall, I believe throughout this course my writing skills in general improved, which also helped me in other subjects I am currently taking. Not only this, but this writing class will impact my writing for the rest of my years at Stony Brook.

Here is the link to my e-portfolio where I’ve posted my cover letter.

https://stonybrook.digication.com/brian_hartmann/Welcome/

Link to my e-portfolio: https://stonybrook.digication.com/brian_hartmann/Welcome/

So far, I’ve made a few changes to my portfolio. I completed the introduction page and inserted some pictures on my pages. I also changed the banner and color to be more appealing. More changes to come.

Writer,

As a whole, the arguments for and against stem cell research are compelling. The language used throughout the paper gets confusing over time, especially with all of the abbreviations. I would add a paragraph delving into how stem cells are currently being used and the benefits and consequences of them, before the arguments for and against. The thesis could be switched around to include specifics on the topic, the potentials, and arguments. The use of evidence is good throughout the paper, but the beginning of the first body paragraph is confusing at first. The order of the body paragraphs seems to be too much of the side against stem cell research, with not much on the benefits. More evidence is needed to show the positives of stem-cell research, maybe an account of a person who has received it. Also, the alternates to taking stem-cells from embryos should be discussed more. More can be added to the SSC section, adult stem cell research.

Overall the essay uses high level language and is structured well to provide the arguments for and against stem cell research. Some of the terms may be confusing to the average reader. The thesis sentence can be better structured for the order of the body paragraphs. The body paragraphs should be moved around to introduce the reader to the topic and have more background knowledge before starting the argument because the intro paragraph isn’t enough. These edits and the addition of a conclusion paragraph would make a nice essay.

Brian Hartmann

Brian Hartmann

Karlianne Seri

WRT 102.72

08 April 2018

Substance Abuse and Prison Time – The Revolving Door

Ever since President Nixon named substance abuse public enemy number one in 1971, drugs have become the single largest reason people are thrown in jail. For many decades leading up to today, the US waged the war on drugs, resulting in lots criminal drug offenders being imprisoned. The public saw this as a positive, as drug dealers were taken off the streets. As time went on it became evident that the United States was losing the drug war, as drug use among citizens skyrocketed regardless, and jails filled up with drug dealers and citizens on hard times alike. Today, as substance abuse is the highest it has ever been, prisons are filled up with more addicts then ever. Out of all prisoners incarcerated across the United States, more than 65% meet the criteria of substance abuse and addiction, and 85% when including alcohol and other related crimes. As many drug offenses no longer have carry as severe penalties as before, many have the ability to leave jail and have the opportunity to start over. But many of these prisoners relapse after their release due to drugs and alcohol, and end up back in jail – a revolving door for many addicts. It may seem like some of these repeat offenders do not want help, but in reality, out of every dollar spent on prisoners, only 1.9 cents go to addiction treatment. Most prisons and jails across the US neglect the substance abuse issues among prisoners, and still use the abstinence model, if they can’t get drugs they can’t be addicted. By reforming prison policies and instating new prison reform with ways to identify substance abuse, treat users, and plans for rehabilitation after release, America take drugs and users off the streets and rehabilitate valuable citizens of the United States.

Addiction is not a simple issue for those affected by it. Addiction can change a person’s brain chemistry, alter their motives in life, and make them into a very different person, and not in a positive way. The downwards spiral of addiction and substance abuse can usually motivate ordinary people to do things they would have never done previously. Few turn for help, others could overdose at any moment, and many become criminal. Too many people are on this destructive path in life, over 21.5 million, and many land in prison on account of drug charges and related crimes. Today, prisons are filled with inmates riddled with substance abuse pasts. In fact, the inmate population in the U.S. has quadrupled since 1980. Across the United States, “Of the more than 2.3 million people in American prisons and jails, more than 65 percent meet medical criteria for substance abuse addiction,” and in addition to this, by factoring in “those who have histories of substance abuse, were under the influence when they committed a crime, committed it to get drug money, or were incarcerated for a drug or alcohol violation, the percentage rises to 85 percent” (Sack). This sad fact displays how drugs and alcohol are the leading factors in imprisonment, and hows how drugs can control masses of people to a life a crime. Even inmates behind bars who have had their decisions impaired by the influence of drugs at the time of the crimes they committed is categorized as substance abuse, showing the reach that drugs can have on a person. It would make sense that prisons and jail systems would have lots of groups and rehabilitation with up to 85% having difficulties with substance abuse, but this is not the case. Treatment is still very rare to be received by the worst addicts in prison, and fact that The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse found that “only 11 percent of inmates with substance use disorders received treatment at federal and state prisons or local jails” is shocking (Sack). Along with this the National Institute on Drug Abuse states that “not only is there a gap in the availability of these services for offenders, but often there are few choices in the types of services provided” (National). Those who want to receive help with their addiction while incarcerated most likely will not have the chance, especially those in small counties. Even the 11% of addicts who have the privilege to receive help, do not receive adequate help to keep them clean and prevent relapse. The Journal of the American Medical Association even reported that “good programs are rare” and prisons “typically rely on the abstinence-only model which fails miserably with heroin addicts” (Addiction). The fact that prisons still rely on the abstinence model, which is known to be ineffective, shows how out of place old laws are. Without access to treatment behind bars, those who wish to receive it or not, have a significantly high chance of returning to jail, claimed by the NIDA as well. This can affect others as well as themselves, and addicts can go right back to hurting themselves, or communities.

New prison reform is needed across the United States. The most potentially effective ways combat addiction in prisons is to have alternates to prison time, before addicts end up in jail. Over the past decade, some prisons across the U.S. as well as entire states have instituted new programs to combat substance abuse. In Maryland, lawmakers have recently worked to pass prison reform in their prisons and jails. They determined that “a person who is sentenced for a first-time drug offense be given drug treatment or up to 12 months of jail time. A fourth offense would receive drug treatment or up to 24 months of jail time. Under current law, a first-time offender could receive up to four years in prison” (Wiggins). Giving those who have a first time drug charge a chance to come clean instead of prison as well as those relapsing back on multiple accounts, is a step in the right direction. This helps those who just began the fall of substance abuse to change their lives, as well as many stuck in the cycle on and off drugs and in and out of jail. Maryland also proposed to treat drug offenders as non-violent criminals and offer “drug offenders the same number of credits to reduce their sentences as are given to other nonviolent offenders” (Wiggins). Along with these new policies, Maryland is also passed laws to reduced prison sentences to drug offenders and eliminate mandatory minimum sentences. These laws work towards rehabilitation and treatment of prisons rather than filling up jail cells. Laws like this need to be passed around the U.S. and as Senator Robert Zirkin of Maryland state said “‘We’re in the first inning of a long game’” (Wiggins).

Laws similar to the ones passed in Maryland, can be in crucial to jails overflowing with prisoners. similar to those in Westmoreland County Jail in Pennsylvania. WestmoreLand Jail has been struggling with inmate populations, and has an average inmate population of 651 with a total capacity of 711 inmates. The Warden, John Walton, states that “‘Our biggest Problem is space’” and “We only have a certain amount of space for programing [rehabilitation]’” (Warden). The influx of prisoners needed for drug treatment has overwhelmed this jail and programs cannot keep up. The jail runs voluntary “Alcohol Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous meetings, overdose prevention classes” and “sessions with a certified drug-and-alcohol recovery specialist” for inmates, all funded by private sources. But, most inmates do not have a chance to get help they need in these programs and Walton claims that “‘problem is the average stay for sentenced inmates in 135 days, and it’s about 42 days (to accommodate) everyone. So not every class is offered while some are here’” (Wiggins). Even jails that have moved in the right direction to help prisoners with substance abuse do not allocate enough resources to help all before leaving, and can lead to addicts returning back to drugs and crime. And, these resources are provided by private donations and volunteers, and the county isn’t putting any more money into the jail to help solve the issue. The worst part about this is that by helping addicts return to society and remain out of jail, prisons could save $90,000 per inmate in the law system and prison housing (Sack).

“good programs are rare” and Prisons “typically rely on the abstinence-only model” (Addiction).

Works Cited

“Warden: More than 70 percent of new inmates in Westmoreland jail addicted to drugs.” Tribune-Review [Greensburg, PA], 31 July 2017. Opposing Viewpoints In Context, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A499634007/OVIC?u=sunysb&sid=OVIC&xid=1ca1383f. Accessed 4 Apr. 2018.

Wiggins, Ovetta. “Drug treatment touted over prison time in sentencing proposals.” Washington Post, 17 Dec. 2015. Opposing Viewpoints In Context, http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A437762439/OVIC?u=sunysb&sid=OVIC&xid=c9a9d84d. Accessed 2 Apr. 2018.

“Addiction Behind Bars.” New York Times, 13 Apr. 2009, p. A20(L). Opposing Viewpoints In Context,]http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A197649238/OVIC?u=sunysb&sid=OVIC&xid=f26e466c. Accessed 4 Apr. 2018.

Sack, David. “We can’t afford to ignore drug addiction in prison.” The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2014/08/14/we-cant-afford-to-ignore-drug-addiction-in-prison/?utm_term=.f27d00800ba2. Accessed 28 March 2018.

Quinones, Sam. “Addicts Need Help. Jails Could Have the Answer.” The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/16/opinion/sunday/opioid-epidemic-kentucky-jails.html. Accessed 2 April 2018.

My last social media post was on Instagram a few weeks ago, rather on my ‘finsta’. The post is a screenshot a post from Roller Hockey team’s Instagram of me on the rink and a caption showing my stats and the fact that I was playing in the all-star game. I captioned it “LOL d4 god” to joke that I was too good for division 4. I posted this photo to show only my close friends on Instagram since I only have a few followers on this account and don’t let others follow it. The way I wanted them to respond was by being amused by the fact that I play division 4 roller hockey and that I made the all-star team. My motivation to post on this outlets was that all my friends can see my Instagram posts, but not all can see my Snapchats. I didn’t use any hashtags, but I did put a fake location which was PyeongChang, where the Olympics were held this year. This is something I would post on Instagram because I really don’t go crazy on social media. I only want my friends to see my posts, and I really don’t care or want people I’m not familiar with seeing my posts.

To Whom it may concern,

I’m writing to show my interest in the engineering intern position available at Lockheed Martin. I am currently enrolled at Stony Brook University where I am pursuing a degree in Electrical Engineering. As a freshman, I have taken courses in Physics, Calculus, and Electronics, and my major GPA is 4.2. At Stony Brook, I have gained experience with hardware, circuit board, data processing, and sensors. I am very interested in the design and production of aircraft and have a relative who has retired from Sikorsky. I enjoy designing circuits and experimenting with new technologies, and the opportunity to do so at Lockheed is exciting.

Over the past few years, I have worked at Advanced Lighting Corporation as the production floor manager. During this time, I have developed the ability to be a leader in the workplace and have become very good at time management. I have lots of skills with hands-on work and am sufficient in building circuit boards. At Stony Brook, I have gained experience with hardware, circuit board, data processing, and sensors. I believe I will be a good candidate for this internship since I have a genuine interest in aviation, am a self-motivated hard worker, and am very good at working with others. I believe by applying these skills will be an asset to this position and I would be thrilled to learn alongside your team of innovators.

I am excited to have the opportunity to intern at Lockheed-Martin and to be alongside some of the leaders in aviation technology. My enclosed resume expands on my academics, campus involvement, and off-campus work. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Recently, the town Montclair in California has made it illegal to cross streets while talking on the phone, texting, and listening to the music with buds in both ears. Clyde Haberman, a journalist for the New York Times, addresses this topic in his article, “Do Not Read This Editorial while Walking.” In the article, Haberman discusses the new laws in places like Montclair and Honolulu which have made it illegal to cross the streets on the phone, with fines ranging from $100-$500. Haberman supports the new laws being passed and thinks it’s time for every local government to crack down on distracted walking, as many deaths could be prevented by pedestrians being more aware of their surroundings. Distracted driving is also mentioned, and Haberman condemns those who do so. Haberman goes on to discuss how distracted walking and pedestrian deaths have increased over the past few years, even though safer cars and road designs have resulted in a decrease in traffic deaths years before. Haberman refutes his points with the idea that inattentive driving can be deadlier than walking, and another idea that states with legalized marijuana have had a notable increase in pedestrian deaths. The article ends on the note that many teenagers and young adults approve of this idea and that it can possibly save lives.

In the article, Haberman uses lots of facts to back his argument and create logos with the reader. He brings the issue to the reader’s attention talking about how pedestrian deaths are rising, and how, “There were 5,987 of them [deaths] in 2016, according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration” and expectations in “2017 will end up with a toll at least that high. That’s a rise of 22 percent from the 4,910 registered in 2014” (Haberman). The author uses these facts to show the reader that pedestrians are still in danger and are in more danger than ever in the modern age. He also appeals to the logos of the reader by refuting his support for the laws by the way these laws will be enforced, and how there would need to be a police officer at every corner. Also, Haberman talks about how many more pedestrians have died in states with legal marijuana, and how these laws may have no effect if most of the deaths.

The topic I chose for my argument paper is if hands-free phone devices in cars are really safe. While driving and using a phone is illegal as it should be, driving while having your phone attached to your dashboard for use is legal. The justification being that you should have both hands on the wheel. On this topic, I’m going to take the side that hands-free devices are safer to use but are not completely safe from no distractions at all. The reason why I’m picking this topic is that I was recently involved in a traffic stop due to phone use… in a parking lot. When we were stopped the officer informed us that we need to have a “hands-free device” when talking on the phone. This got me thinking if hands-free devices are really safer because they allow the driver to have access to their phone at all times. I think it is important to discuss this topic because distracted driving can result in very bad accidents and has proven to be deadly, and in some cases, very bad tickets.

The main argument I’m going to make on my position is that there is no way to stop a person in a car from picking up a phone. This means that people are always going to have the option to pick up the phone, and nothing can be done, unless a police officer is following everyone around. I’m going to argue that using a hands-free device does reduce some of the risks of distracted driving, and as a result should remain to be legal. But, this can still result in accidents, shown by some of my sources. I’m going to use evidence of traffic stop and accident statistics written within articles to back my claims. Counterarguments that I’m likely to face is that phones and distracted driving can potentially cause deadly accidents and they should be completely banned behind the wheel and hands-free devices should not be an option.

David Sedaris’s essay, “Us and Them,” is a short story about a society where people are sheltered, greedy, and get all of their information through televisions. After reading the essay, I felt like the story has traces of the novel Fahrenheit 451, where instead of telescreens and big brother, the people watch T.V. all the time instead. The story is about a school-aged kid who has been sheltered for most of his life except for the fact that he, and everyone else, watches T.V. After finding about the Tomkey family, who does not own or “believe” in television, he becomes very interested in their lifestyle. Unlike all of the other families who stay indoors and watch TV all day, they have family values such as talking during dinner and going on trips on their boat. Other neighbors and people around don’t believe that the Tomkey’s don’t have a television and think to themselves, ‘“Maybe they listen to radio, but you can bet your boots they’re doing something’” (Sedaris 1). This gives me the impressions that the author is trying to hint at a future society where everyone is stuck in their own worlds and oppressed due to technology, similarly to Fahrenheit 451.

As the plot goes on it eventually comes to Halloween, the Tomkey family is out on their boat and leaves only gumdrops on the stoop with a sign that says, “DON’T BE GREEDY,” which ultimately leads the kids to put all of the gumdrops in the dog’s bowl next to it. The next day, the Tomkeys oddly go trick-or-treating after Halloween, and the boy now has to give up some of his prized candy. Instead of giving away the “name brand” chocolates which he is allergic too, he stoves it all in his mouth and barely spares any for the family. The boy’s inner thought show his inner greed and narcissism, which may be making a statement that everyone in this society is the same way.

My overall impression of this essay is that it is a work of art rather than entertainment. The essay directly shows how horrible a society would be if everyone was greedy and nosey in an almost sadistic way. A family who enjoys each other’s company is alienated from a neighborhood. The boy would rather eat the candy he is allergic too rather than give it to another family with kids who missed out on Halloween. Each of these shows the negatives of the progression of society, and make the reader fear this type of future situation. Sedaris ultimately makes the reader want to keep and protect the good in society so that one day we all don’t become pigs.