October 2018 – A Study in Light

I participated in part of the Art Crawl, and what I saw was immensely creative. I was particularly moved by the art in the Paul W. Zuccaire Gallery. I had the opportunity to examine the art before it was explained by the artists, and they were all attention-grabbing and interesting.

One exhibition, I think it was called “Pillow Talk,” was especially interesting. The artist recorded the stories of people who have lived in places other than the U.S. and put their stories inside pillows. Each pillow was then affixed to the wall at the storyteller’s height. I thought it was moving and thoughtful. The artist explained that she herself was from China, and she explained an animation that she had set up that was meant to portray the fuzziness of memories, and the darkness that comes with feeling alone in a foreign country.

Another favorite was an artist’s project at a university in Oregon, I believe she said. She set up plastic lights on a stick (I included a picture below, with the artist in the background), that were solar powered, and lit up when the wind pushed them in one direction or another. I also liked another project she did, where she made a half circle of “moons” in New York City that were actually molded with the topography of the moon and absorb light so that they glow at night.

I thought I would be able to whack this assignment out of the park in one day.

The first weekend we were assigned the project, I was already planning to go into New York City for its annual Comic Con. I go every October with two of my best friends from high school.

My friends – twins – plan cosplays for the con all year. They put all their savings towards buying materials. One hand-makes her costume. I don’t dress up anymore, but I used to, and I’ve watched my friends and countless others at the convention for four years now. When they make those costumes, they’re laying their hearts bare.

They take a character, a myth, or maybe nothing at all, and they add their own spin. Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes their costumes are so precisely fitted to a character, you couldn’t tell they made it themselves; but it’s still their face. And that perfection is a spin itself in a way.

Somehow, Comic Con – an explosion of capitalism, pop culture and extreme crafts – morphed into a place where people take off their everyday masks to put one on they want to wear.

That’s where all my portraits of strangers are from. People wanted their pictures to be taken there; it was a form of validation.

When I asked, they didn’t just pause. They posed. After a while, I found that all I had to do was lift my camera in a querying way for someone to assume a position.

I’ve taken portraits of people on the street before for other classes, and I usually get tentative smiles and tense shoulders. Sometimes I don’t even get a smile.

The contrast in experiences showed me that setting matters.

I didn’t finish the assignment that day. I have hundreds of pictures of my friends I could have used, but then it was my mom’s birthday and I was playing with a camera for another school assignment. I was trying to adjust the settings and I happened to snap a picture of her looking at my dad and sisters. When I was going through my pictures later, I stopped when I came to that one. I deleted the rest, but I kept going back to her eyes. She looked so happy. Setting matters.

The self-portraits were more difficult. You never realize how poorly you know yourself until you’re asked. I struggled to think of characteristics that define me. Sweet tooth. Sleep deprived. Book lover. Someone who’s still figuring things out.

It was even harder to think of ways to represent that.

In this case, setting wasn’t as important. I am who I am, no matter where I am, though I might present different parts of me to different people. I felt like the things that surrounded me spoke louder than where I was. If I’m in a place, doesn’t that automatically make it a reflection of me? I chose to be there. Whether I’m there for a day or a year, I can’t take that experience away.

I paid careful attention to my clothes, my pose, and the objects surrounding me instead. I tried to manipulate them to present my personality traits, likes and dislikes.

Setting was more important when I was taking pictures of others because being the focus of a camera can be stressful for a lot of people, especially when they don’t know the person behind it. They’re not the one in control, and if they have insecurities, those might flare up. People are also significantly affected by those around them. The atmosphere in different environments will affect the way people respond to being on camera.

When I’m taking a self-portrait, I’m the one in control.