I thought I would be able to whack this assignment out of the park in one day.
The first weekend we were assigned the project, I was already planning to go into New York City for its annual Comic Con. I go every October with two of my best friends from high school.
My friends – twins – plan cosplays for the con all year. They put all their savings towards buying materials. One hand-makes her costume. I don’t dress up anymore, but I used to, and I’ve watched my friends and countless others at the convention for four years now. When they make those costumes, they’re laying their hearts bare.
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Somehow, Comic Con – an explosion of capitalism, pop culture and extreme crafts – morphed into a place where people take off their everyday masks to put one on they want to wear.
That’s where all my portraits of strangers are from. People wanted their pictures to be taken there; it was a form of validation.
When I asked, they didn’t just pause. They posed. After a while, I found that all I had to do was lift my camera in a querying way for someone to assume a position.
I’ve taken portraits of people on the street before for other classes, and I usually get tentative smiles and tense shoulders. Sometimes I don’t even get a smile.
The contrast in experiences showed me that setting matters.
I didn’t finish the assignment that day. I have hundreds of pictures of my friends I could have used, but then it was my mom’s birthday and I was playing with a camera for another school assignment. I was trying to adjust the settings and I happened to snap a picture of her looking at my dad and sisters. When I was going through my pictures later, I stopped when I came to that one. I deleted the rest, but I kept going back to her eyes. She looked so happy. Setting matters.
The self-portraits were more difficult. You never realize how poorly you know yourself until you’re asked. I struggled to think of characteristics that define me. Sweet tooth. Sleep deprived. Book lover. Someone who’s still figuring things out.
It was even harder to think of ways to represent that.
In this case, setting wasn’t as important. I am who I am, no matter where I am, though I might present different parts of me to different people. I felt like the things that surrounded me spoke louder than where I was. If I’m in a place, doesn’t that automatically make it a reflection of me? I chose to be there. Whether I’m there for a day or a year, I can’t take that experience away.
I paid careful attention to my clothes, my pose, and the objects surrounding me instead. I tried to manipulate them to present my personality traits, likes and dislikes.
Setting was more important when I was taking pictures of others because being the focus of a camera can be stressful for a lot of people, especially when they don’t know the person behind it. They’re not the one in control, and if they have insecurities, those might flare up. People are also significantly affected by those around them. The atmosphere in different environments will affect the way people respond to being on camera.
When I’m taking a self-portrait, I’m the one in control.
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