Jewish Cemetery Culture

Culture is different within jewish cemeteries and the traditions and superstitions are passed on from generation to generation. There is much within a cemetery that seems beautiful and captures your attention but do you know the meaning behind it? My aim is to capture these beautiful moments within jewish cemeteries but also elaborate on the meaning behind some of our traditions, and to show how those traditions have changed and evolved over time. Different cultures treat the afterlife differently and think of funerals and cemeteries in drastically different ways. There are also lots of cultural activities that change from culture to culture that show their connectedness to the deceased. In the jewish faith, our traditions are what keep us together and we take them seriously. Most of the customs that we keep are in a sign of respect for the deceased. In addition to cultural traditions, familial traditions are also extremely important and one must find their own place within the much larger community. Showing individualism can still be done in a cemetery while still following the rules of your heritage. You will see the beauty within a jewish cemetery and the culture that takes place there too.

There are different traditions and superstitions for different families. One that has occurred in my own family is that pregnant woman should avoid walking on the grass or dirt in any cemetery. They should always stay on the walkways and concrete, it is believed that if they walk on the grass or dirt tragedy will follow the unborn child. When you are creating life, it is better to avoid a connection with death.

 

A speedy burial is preferred to be within 24 hours, not on Shabbat, in an attempt to honor the deceased. The time from when the deceased had passed until they are buried, Jewish law requires them to be watched by a Shomer (a guard). This is also done out of respect for the deceased and Rabbi’s believe it an embarrassment to the person who has died if they are left alone.

 

Before the deceased is buried they must be ritually washed (not embalmed). Once they are washed they are enclosed in a white linen shroud. Men also sometimes wear a tallit (prayer shawl). We use a plain box to not distinguish between the rich and the poor. We use a pine box so that that the body can decompose and join the earth easier than if a metal box was used (Biblical Teaching: “For dust you are, to dust you shall return”) To honor the deceased the casket is kept closed, with family and friends prohibited from seeing the person who has passed.

 

Once everyone has gathered at the burial site, the casket is lowered in the grave, and the shovel ritual begins. Starting with the immediate family of the deceased, each mourner uses the back of the shovel at first to demonstrate reluctance. They shovel three loads of dirt onto the casket. After their turn is over, each mourner replaces the shovel back in the earth rather than handing it from person to person. Once the casket is covered with dirt the Kaddish prayer is said over the deceased. The Kaddish is known as the mourning prayer, the prayer focuses on life, promise, and honor.

 

After the kaddish is said, before exiting the cemetery, the bereaved form two rows and allow the immediate family of the deceased to walk between them as a sign of respect.

 

In the Ashkenazi culture (Eastern European Jew) we wait a full year before the “unveiling”. This is when we “unveil” the tombstone at the gravesite. In the Sephardic culture (Middle Eastern Jews) they wait 30 days before having the unveiling. The unveiling is a specific mourning ritual that helps the bereaved move on. Seeing the etched name in stone can help show the finality of death. The unveiling also provides another opportunity to pay your respects to the deceased if you were unable to attend the funeral or shiva.

 

Sometimes though there is already a tombstone at the gravesite if it is a couple tombstone. The inscription of the recently deceased will be left empty until 1 year after the person is buried. Sometimes half of the couple tombstone will be left empty for years until the spouse eventually passes.

 

Placing a rock on the top of a headstone is a sign of respect that you went to visit a loved one. Unlike flowers, which can die, stones cannot and they are timeless.

The stones symbolize permanence of memory and legacy and are known to “weigh down the soul”.  In biblical times, gravestones were not used; graves were marked with mounds of stones, so by placing or replacing them, one perpetuates the existence of the site.

 

 

Instead of placing rocks on the top of the tombstone, we have placed sea shells. This is because of my grandparents love of the ocean, so we show our love and respect for them in this way. This was a personal connection for us, where typically only rocks would be placed.

 

Placing flowers on a grave is not a Jewish tradition, this is because flowers can wither and die. However, in some Jewish culture, they place fake flowers. This was the case in the Russian Jew section of the cemetery. Flowers were harder to come by in Russia, so fake flowers were used. It has been said that Russian Jews do not always follow traditional Jewish culture since Judaism was/is prosecuted there so they had to adapt their own traditions.

 

When you visit the gravesite of a loved one, it is a sign of the utmost respect to recite the Kaddish prayer.

Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba
b’alma di v’ra chirutei,
v’yamlich malchutei,
b’chayeichon uv’yomeichon
uv’chayei d’chol beit Yisrael,
baagala uviz’man kariv,
v’im’ru: Amen.

Y’hei sh’mei raba m’varach 
l’alam ul’almei almaya.

Yitbarach v’yishtabach v’yitpaar 
v’yitromam v’yitnasei,
v’yit’hadar v’yitaleh v’yit’halal
sh’mei d’kud’sha b’rich hu,
l’eila min kol birchata v’shirata,
tushb’chata v’nechemata,
daamiran b’alma, v’imru: Amen.

Y’hei sh’lama raba min sh’maya, v’chayim aleinu v’al kol Yisrael, v’imru: Amen.
Oseh shalom bimromav, Hu yaaseh shalom aleinu, v’al kol Yisrael, v’imru: Amen

 

Exalted and hallowed be God’s great name
in the world which God created, according to plan.
May God’s majesty be revealed in the days of our lifetime
and the life of all Israel — speedily, imminently,
To which we say: Amen.

Blessed be God’s great name to all eternity.

Blessed, praised, honored, exalted,
extolled, glorified, adored, and lauded
be the name of the Holy Blessed One,
beyond all earthly words and songs of blessing, praise, and comfort.
To which we say: Amen.

May there be abundant peace from heaven, and life, for us and all Israel.
To which we say: Amen.

May the One who creates harmony on high, bring peace to us and to all Israel.
To which we say: Amen.

 

Typically most headstones you will see will be grey granite or stone. However, a Russian tradition is for a black headstone. Where a grey granite headstone may be rough around the edges and top and only smooth where the inscription is, the black headstone seen are all smooth.

 

My Baba Rita was one of the most knowledgably people I have every met and it was because of her love of reading that she knew so much. In order to incorporate that into her tombstone we added a book to represent her love of reading and learning. This was a personal connection for us, because typically having a book on a headstone represents a scholar or rabbi.

 

It is common custom that a headstone that is shaped like a cut down tree stump, usually with a heart shaped area for the inscription is a symbol of someone who’s life has been cut short. It is extremely common to see for children who died young.

 

Back in the day photographs were much more expensive to have taken, and maybe people did not have many portraits of themselves. As a way to remember and honor the dead some people decided to have portraits added to the headstone as a way to remember them and have their face showed to keep their memory alive.

 

Hands that are held in this position are a symbol for those who have inherited a priestly heritage. The majority of those who have this priestly heritage have had the last name of Cohen – a name which literally means “priest” in Hebrew. They are those who have descended from Aaron, the brother of the ancient prophet Moses.  In order to keep them pure they were not allowed to be in the presence of a dead body. The rules have adapted and a Cohen cannot marry a widow and cannot go to a funeral except for an immediate relative.

 

Perpetual care is a fund put together to help maintain cemetery grounds, graves, crypts, mausoleums, etc. Families of people buried in the cemetery grounds contribute towards these funds to ensure the place is clean, well-maintained, and secure. In Jewish cemeteries, since we do not put flowers on the gravesite they have the option of a having a hedge placed on the grave site. Many cemeteries place stickers on the headstone to inform groundkeepers of which sites have perpetual care.

 

Hebrew names are names that have a Hebrew language origin, classically from the Hebrew Bible. Boys are presented with their Hebrew names at their bris, and girls at their baby naming. This is your “name” for your whole life in the eyes of the Jewish religion.

The Hebrew inscription on my grandparent’s headstone are as follows:

Here is buried Mandal son of Joseph, Hebrew date of death underneath

My grandfather’s Hebrew name was Mandal and his father’s name was Joseph

Here is buried Heda daughter of Eliyahu the Cohen

My grandmothers Hebrew name was Heda, and her father, Edward’s Hebrew name was Eliyahi

 

The Star of David is the most recognized symbol of Judaism. In Hebrew, Magen David, which translates to Shield of David, and is used as a way to protect the deceased and ward off the evil eye.

 

Once common practice and allowed, men and women were separated in the cemeteries. One row would be for men, and the row in front would be for women. This was the practice still when my great-grandparents were buried. It has since changed, and has even progressed to spouses sharing a single headstone.

 

A tradition depending on your family is your headstone. Some families decided that each member of their family will have an individual headstone. While other family’s have one large family headstone, and then have smaller individual ones that are on the ground. They still are inscribed with the same information, but they are not as intricate designed. This was a more common practice in the past, and it is more common to see individualistic headstones nowadays.

 

This photo seems to be the most ironic in my series due to its similarity and comparison to the gate entrance to Auschwitz. The inscription on the gate reminded me of the entrance to Auschwitz, which I saw in January. The gate at Auschwitz had the inscription “Arbeit Macht Frei” meaning “Work will set you free.” Obviously this gate, is just an entrance to a section in the cemetery, but the curve of the metal reminded me of the curvature of the Auschwitz gate.