When thinking of this project, I wanted to really put myself in my work. I struggled in how to do so and what to do, but I had an idea to combine my main medium, digital painting, and the new medium, photography.

Digital Painting has become a big part of my world and it’s one of the main ways I express myself. Usually, I will use references to ensure I am drawing everything correctly (in terms of angles, proportion, anatomy, movement, etc.). It’s almost always a photograph, which then brought me to how I develop rough sketches for my work from photographs and, now, I have a new way of creating art (and references( for myself.

I chose important figures in my life who have only aided me through the years (excluding my father who worked tirelessly and could not make it to the photo session). This is how I see the world as a digital artist.

 

I have always been someone who is a strong believer of equality for all and will stand up and say my part to shut down ignorance, racism, homophobia, et cetera. This image is something I have seen around before and I have always loved it and what it has to say about the Black Lives Matter movement.

The subject remains fearless and calm, defending her beliefs and perspective as the men are armored and likely armed. In a way, the subject, Ieshia Evans, looks far more powerful despite wearing every day clothing.

It is something to truly think about; why do these men feel the need to arm themselves and wear protective gear against a person who isn’t armed and isn’t armored? It says a lot about the movement and irrational fear/ thought process of those on the opposing end of Evans and her allies. It is also interesting to see how much force is used on the participants of the movement and their allies; the excessive force is what led to the movement in the first place.

All-in-all, this photograph is, by far, one of the most powerful and chilling captures. The voice within it is extremely moving, the story even more powerful. Photographs like such (which capture history) are important to the recording of what is presently occurring in the world and to bring awareness to such events.

 

Text inspired by Teju Cole

https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/31/magazine/the-superhero-photographs-of-the-black-lives-matter-movement.html

With this project, I wanted to do something bigger than the literal definition of altered perception. Sure, there are illnesses and disorders that can alter the victim’s perception in a literal sense, but there are also those that do this in a different way. I chose to use PTSD and my personal experiences with it to show how it can affect a person’s perception and to bring awareness to these events.

This project may be triggering or uncomfortable to some, but I would still hope it can shed light on these occurrences as well as give power to those who have also fallen victim to this.

As a child, I was victim to sexual trauma, which triggered a handful of mental illnesses, including PTSD. Sometimes my body will act or react in ways I can’t explain and sometimes don’t even notice. Along with this, I have spent majority of my life feeling this looming presence of that trauma and triggering events would only make me fall back into that moment as if I am going through it all over again.

I chose to title this work “Body” because PTSD (in my case) alters the way I look and feel about my body. I am not talking about insecurity or the desire to be covered (in shame), but rather a much worse scenario. Although it happened some fourteen years ago, I look at my body and feel it happening again, like hands ghosting around and putting weight and fear on my shoulders

Although you may not be able to tell, I suffer from a handful of mental illnesses, and I have since I was a child. Throughout the years, it has gotten better and worse, always a looming darkness. However, in the past year, I began a path of rediscovery and healing, finally learning to cope and hold onto what little hope I had.

This idea came to me after going to a concert; the band Twenty One Pilots inspired me in an amazing way. They had an era (Blurryface) where Tyler, the lead singer, painted his hands and neck black as a symbolism of insecurity and darkness. They now entered a new era (Trench), where both Tyler and Josh wear yellow tape as a symbol of hope (and awareness). My best friend and I met a handful of people and I decided we should combine both eras, wrapping the lines of hope over the darkness.

On the drive home, I started thinking about just how symbolic it was and how much it represents me, my story and struggle with mental health. So, in this photography project, I wanted to show how I overcame the darkness and, although it’s still there and will probably always exist within me, the hope and burning desire for a better and happier life is now stronger than the darkness (that is all I’ve ever known).

This is my story.

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