SMTNG

“SMTNG” is an exploration of the complex relationship between self-perception and how others perceive myself. Through a deeply personal body of work, I reflect on the ongoing struggle to understand myself while grappling with the internal chaos of thoughts and emotions. The exhibition features whimsical, cartoonish self-portraits that embody feelings of confusion, fear, frustration, and internal conflict. “SMTNG” is an extension based on “Persona”, the main painting in this show, which is a personal self-portrait. Building on my painting “Persona”, “SMTNG” invites viewers into my emotional landscape, where personal struggles are framed through bold, exaggerated imagery and a playful yet unsettling visual language.

The exhibition consists of nineteen paintings of various sizes, and a plaster sculpture. The works incorporate a mix of acrylic paints, collage materials, beads, yarn, and artificial flowers, creating a tactile, immersive environment. Each painting centers around a recurring character, whose exaggerated red mouth—symbolizing both talkativeness and the act of hiding—is a key motif throughout the show. In my culture as a Chinese person, large lips are not just seen as a physical characteristic, but as a symbol with deeper social and emotional connotations. Large lips are often associated with being outspoken due to the fact that they are seen as an expressive feature. People with fuller lips may be thought to be more open in expressing their thoughts, emotions, and opinions. But large lips may also convey a sense of reserve or calm. Despite their prominence, there’s subtle suggestion that such individuals are selective about when and how they speak. This duality mirrors the internal tension of expressing one’s true self in relation to  conforming to external expectations.

By blending vibrant, dark colors with quirky and sometimes unsettling designs, I aim to create a space that is both inviting and disorienting. The exaggerated forms and emotional expressions serve as a metaphor for my internal battles—feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, and identity. Through this playful yet deeply personal lens, I hope to spark a dialogue with visitors, encouraging them to reflect on their own struggles with self-perception and vulnerability.

“SMTNG” is divided into two parts: “Persona” reflects the outward, which is the performative aspect of my personality; while “Whisper In The Shadow” reveals the hidden, dark perspective of me, which contrasts against the first part. This duality underscores the tension between how I present myself to the world and the hidden parts of my identity. Through this exhibition, I seek to foster a space of intimate reflection, where viewers can explore not only my personal journey but also their own emotional landscapes, questioning the balance between how we perceive ourselves and how we are perceived by others.

The Persona 2024 Acrylic on canvas, yarns, fake flowers and beads, 20×24 inches

“Persona” is the essential painting of this exhibition, a personal self-portrait that marks the beginning of my exploration into the tension between self-perception and external perception. This mixed-media painting combines acrylics, fake flowers, crochet, and pearls to create a vibrant yet disconcerting portrait of myself. In this piece, I depict the bright side of my identity—the persona that I present to the world. The character in the painting appears bright, cute, and happy, yet there is an underlying sense of artificiality. The smile and color create an almost plastic appearance, which shows a sense of superficiality that we sometimes wear for others, like the way we act in front of others based on the expectations, and the desire to fit in or make a positive impression in front of people.

The red crochet framing the portrait holds significant emotional weight for me. It is a symbol of the love and care from my grandparents, who raised me with great protection and affection. The crochet border serves as a reminder of their nurturing influence in my life, while also reflecting the nature of the image: the warm, protective love from my grandparents. The use of pearls and fake flowers further enhances this contrast—luxurious and delicate, much like the expectations of perfection that can accompany personal identity.

“Persona” depicts the conflict between how I wish to be seen, or how people see me as bright, cheerful, and “perfect”—and the underlying feeling of being trapped within a  persona that may not fully represent the complexities of my true self. This painting serves as a visual representation of the “mask” we often wear in society, especially for myself as a woman, and the tension between being perceived as joyful and “put together,” while hiding internal struggles and vulnerabilities.

Chatty 2024 Acrylic on canvas

“Chatty” is the Paradox of Self-Expression. It is a painting that discusses the complexity of how I express myself outwardly versus the internal self I often feel. In this piece, I portray myself as an extremely talkative character. However, being talkative is a way I cover my anxiety, insecurity, and emotional struggle. The yellow dress I wear in the painting reflects both the brightness of my outward persona and the warmth I hope to project, while the dark undertones signify the parts of me that remain hidden—fragments of doubt, fear, sadness and vulnerability.

The flowing lines that swirl from my smiling lips, which show my teeth in a wide grin, suggest a kind of uncontrollable expression—words spilling out, attempting to fill the space, even as they cannot fully mask my anxiety. The exaggerated red lips serve as a key visual element in this painting. It is the main symbol included in  the exhibition. While it signifies talkativeness and communication, it also symbolizes the tension between what I say and what I feel, the gap between my external expressions and my inner struggles.

Through “Chatty,” I show how people can perceive me in many different ways, depending on the narrative they choose to project onto my behavior. To some, my outward expression may seem confident and carefree, but to others, it may reflect a form of nervousness or a desire to fill the silence. The work asks viewers to reflect on the way they interpret others, especially when it comes to self-presentation. The bright, colorful elements of the painting are designed to be inviting, while the darker, more chaotic elements show the complexities of being perceived as “talkative”—a label that can sometimes feel overwhelming and at odds with what I am truly feeling inside.

Dress in Yellow 2024 Acrylic on canvas, 16×20 inches

“Dress in Yellow”is the bright energy of self. It is an extension of the themes explored in Persona, further emphasizing the duality between the outward, bright persona I present and the deeper complexities of my inner world. Personally, yellow represents vibrancy, energy, and optimism—the qualities I often strive to embody in my interactions with others. It’s a color that radiates positivity and warmth, and in this work, it serves as a visual symbol of the side of me that I wish to project into the world.

The yellow dress worn by the figure in this painting mirrors the vibrant, cheerful, and approachable persona that others might perceive. It represents a kind of optimism and openness that I hold, but also feeling at odds with the anxieties and struggles that lie beneath the surface.

With “Dress in Yellow”, I invite the viewer to reflect on the role color plays in the way we present ourselves to the world and how certain hues can both amplify and mask our deeper emotional states. Yellow here is not just a favorite color, but a symbol of my energetic, “bright” side—a side that, while full of life and possibility, can sometimes feel like a performance.

Eye Spy 2024 Acrylic on canvas, 16×20 inches

“Eye Spy” is the hidden self and the fear of being seen. It explores the tension between exposure and concealment, reflecting my deep anxieties about how much others truly see and how much I choose to reveal. In this painting, I depict a moment of weakness that is hidden inside me—where the “bright” persona I project is contrasted with the darker, hidden side of myself that I often try to keep concealed. The “Whisper In The Shadow” hiding behind is trying to observe the world from a distance, as if weighing the risk of allowing anyone closer.

Using the gold color for my skin is the part of me that feels most weak and afraid of being exposed. The golden hue suggests something precious, and valuable, but also distant and protected. This side of me is not immediately visible; it is showing a sense of secretiveness, as though it’s watching and evaluating the world from behind the protective facade of the “bright” persona.

Through “Eye Spy” I discuss the anxiety of vulnerability, the constant self-monitoring that occurs when I fear that others will know me too well, and the tension between wanting connection and fearing exposure. This painting, just like many of the works in “SMTNG”, invites viewers to consider how much of themselves they choose to hide and what it means to be truly seen.

Complete. 2024 Acrylic on canvas

“Complete” is the search for understanding and connection. This painting captures my desire for self-knowledge and the hope that others will understand me before forming judgments or making assumptions. Through the simplicity of the piece, I am trying to ignore the complexity of identity. To do so, I remove  the distractions of unnecessary details, such as the eyeballs and the make-up, and focus on the raw emotional undercurrent of the work.

In this piece, the “golden me” and the “normal me” are shown side by side, representing the duality of my being—the dark sided me (“golden me”) and the usual version of me (“normal me”). The absence of eyeballs in both figures is purposeful, since I want the viewer to focus on the figure’s personality rather than their specific features on superficiales.

“Complete” speaks to my desire for a sense of wholeness—both in terms of how I perceive myself and how I want to be perceived by others. Being understood by others is a pleasure to me. Before passing judgment or making assumptions about me, I want people to take the time to see both of my  “bright” and “dark” sides, to acknowledge the complexities of who I am, and to recognize that true connection comes from seeing beyond the surface.

The Blue 2024 Acrylic on canvas, 16×20 inches

“The Blue” is a highly intimate piece that draws from the themes established in “Persona”, but with a more introspective focus on the emotional landscape I navigate. “The Blue” is painted in different tones and layers of blue, this piece reflects both my connection to the color and its symbolic relationship to my emotional state. Blue, as my favorite color, has always connected me with the ocean because I love listening and sitting by the water because it makes me relaxed and calm. But in “The Blue”, it also represents something more complex—sadness and speechlessness that I sometimes experience. Blue in psychology also represents depression and coldness (Cherry, 2024).

Unlike other paintings where the bright or “golden” side of myself is emphasized, The Blue is a moment of self-acknowledgement. It speaks to the emotional honesty of recognizing sadness and, rather than rejecting it, allowing it to exist as part of my experience. This piece is about acceptance—acknowledging that sadness is a valid emotion, one that I don’t need to hide or escape from. In fact, in this painting, I show that I can enjoy and learn from this mood, as it’s a natural part of me and the flow of my emotional life.

“The Blue” is an invitation to embrace all aspects of oneself, both the bright and the dark—and to accept that sadness, like happiness, is part of what makes me whole.

Shut the Fuck up! 2024 Acrylic on canvas

“Shut The Fuck Up!” is an expression of the frustration I feel when overwhelmed by the opinion of others , expectations, or unreasonable judgments. In this painting, I explore the emotional tension that stresses me out when external pressures clash with my desire for autonomy and self-expression. The figure in this piece conveys the feeling of being trapped between my true self and the roles that society expects me to play.

The “golden me”—the part of me that I show the world—is hidden behind my throat, looking out with a mixture of frustration and resignation. The throat, a symbolic site of communication. It represents my voice, which here is choked, unable to fully speak or express itself. The golden hue behind the throat reflects the more vulnerable, protected side of me that wants to emerge but is frustrated by an invisible barrier—either self-imposed or externally created. The “golden me” is not only hidden but also frustrated in its effort to be seen and heard.

The colorful dresses represent the range of emotions that I experience in this frustration. Each color is a reflection of a different emotional state— anger, sadness, confusion, or exhaustion.

“Shut The Fuck Up!” is an intense, raw expression of the emotional and psychological toll that comes with living under the weight of external expectations. This piece is not just a reaction to the frustration of being misunderstood; it is a call for space, for silence, and for freedom to express who I truly am.

Get away from me… 2024 Acrylic on canvas

“Get Away From Me…” is a powerful expression of the need for personal space, self-reflection, and emotional distancing. In this painting, I explore moments when the external world becomes too overwhelming, and I just want my personal space to be calm.  And, when I need the loneliness and space to reconnect with myself. It also touches on an aggressive side of my personality—one that stands up for my emotional needs and establishes clear boundaries.

The figure in this painting stands firmly with my feet placed on my own lip, which is a direct representation of the silencing of the external noise. The lip, often a symbol of communication and expression, is how I express my feelings. “Get Away From Me…” is basically both an expression of loneliness and aggressiveness. I consider the need to disconnect and reclaim time for personal reflection, while also acknowledging that this need for space can sometimes be perceived as forceful. The feet on the lip represent the act of silencing the external world with no words, but with action—a boundary that is firmly planted and cannot be easily crossed.

Whisper In The Shadow 2024 Acrylic on canvas, fake flowers and beads, 20×24 inches

“Whisper In The Shadow” is about the hidden self, guilt, and desire for attention. It is an exploration of my feelings of being unnoticed or overshadowed by others, especially when all the attention is focused on someone else, as is the case with “Persona”. This piece reflects the internal frustration and guilt I experience when people only want to see the “bright” side of me—the version of myself that feels polished, cheerful, and conforming. However, beneath that facade is a side of me that feels ignored, a side that is darker and more complex, but often overlooked.

The use of golden skin in this painting is highly symbolic. In Chinese culture, gold is often associated with wealth, status, and material success. It’s a color that represents something I both value and accept as part of my identity. By using gold for my skin, I am acknowledging the darker emotional side of myself, which is often tied to the societal emphasis on materialism, status, and the external validation that comes with it. The darker red lips also play a significant role in the painting. Red is a powerful color that often signifies energy, passion, or anger. Here, I used dark red to point to the guilt and frustration I feel about my deeper desires.

The overall color palette in “Whisper In The Shadow” is intentionally darker than that of “Persona”. The use of dark tones in contrast to the golden skin reflects the emotional complexity that comes with feeling like an outsider in a world that only values the “bright” or “perfect” version of a person. In this piece, I am left in the shadows, wanting recognition but feeling guilty for wanting it. The shift in color and tone between these two paintings mirror my internal conflict between the public persona that I show the world and the private, hidden self that feels conflicted.

“Whisper In The Shadow” is a meditation on the unspoken parts of me, the parts that are often ignored. However, I silently crave attention and acknowledgment for who I am beneath the surface, instead of living under the pressure to perform a version of myself that is outwardly pleasing.

Spoiled 2024 Acrylic on plaster

“Spoiled” is a sculpture that visually represents the complex, layered meanings of being spoiled—both in the “positive” and “negative” senses. For most people, “Spoiled” might not be considered as a good thing, but in Chinese culture, “Spoiled” could be considered both positive and negative. People who are being spoiled could have a sense of happiness yet, with a negative outcome, people who are being spoiled could also be selfish. For example, spoiled as traditional Chinese, families often spoil their children as an expression of deep love and affection, which makes their children feel cared for. The piece explores the emotion of receiving excess, whether it’s love, attention, or material wealth, and how it can shape one’s identity and relationships. The objective in this sculpture is to show that being spoiled is captured in both the materials and behavior.

The sculpture is wrapped in red yarn, a central visual element that carries multiple layers of meaning. Red is often associated with love, passion, and good luck in China’s culture. But, at the same time, Red can be also considered as bad luck depending how you use it. An example of good luck is the act of wearing a red wedding dress. which can also show happiness. However, one  should never  wear red to a funeral because it means disrespect. The yarn that entangles this sculpture, can be seen as both a form of nurturing and a means of control. I am surrounded by what I should do and I should not do.

“Spoiled” is an exploration of how excessive care, love, or attention can both empower and constrain a person. The sculpture becomes a symbol of the emotional complexities tied to the concept of being spoiled—how it shapes one’s sense of self.

The incoming parts component paintings are detailed components of my larger works, “Whisper In The Shadow” and “Persona”. Each painting represents a closer look at the darker, more complex aspects of my identity. Those parts are often unseen by others, but are central to how I experience the world. Through these smaller paintings, I invite viewers into a more detailed, focused examination of my emotional landscape, literally zooming in on the parts of myself that I struggle to express or acknowledge.

Untitled (component, the canvas panels) 2024 Acrylic and nail polish on canvas panels

The first two paintings focus on the full face of the character, highlighting the emotion in the expression. In these pieces, the emphasis is on my speechlessness which is to reveal my true feelings. In these paintings I explore the emotional toll of being ignored, overlooked, or pushed into the shadows while desperately wanting to be seen and heard. The first two artworks underscore the unspoken emotions that remain hidden behind a mask.

The third painting focuses on the upper left side of my face, of which I intentionally chose to represent a more fragmented, uncomfortable perspective. The discomfort captured here stems from the judgment I often feel when others perceive or interpret my “dark side”—the parts of me that are more vulnerable, complex, or difficult to understand. This painting reflects intense emotional tension of the anxiety and unease I experience when others pass judgment on aspects of me that I feel are not easy to explain or display.

Untitled (component, the canvas panels), 2024, 9 x 12 inches, Acrylic on canvas panels

These two paintings above are the representations of my identity and the quiet yet powerful act of self-support. I wrote my last name “伍” into these grey paintings representing the foundation, the support system, and the internal strength of my family that act as my support in life since legs are the supporting parts relative to the rest of the body. The color grey symbolizes nature and stability which recall the functions of legs that were mentioned before.

The legs symbolize my personal foundation and the ongoing effort to support myself emotionally and mentally. They are a reminder that, though the world may place attention on other aspects of my identity, it is the quiet, consistent self-reliance that sustains me. The legs are central in these paintings, as they carry the weight of everything else.

These two paintings are an expression of a refusal to be defined by others’ perceptions. It suggests that identity is what I carry inside, often silently and unnoticed, but always supporting and sustaining me.

Untitled (component, the canvas panels), 2024, 9 x 12 inches, Acrylic on canvas panels

These two zoom-in paintings are an intimate detailed view of my larger work, “Persona”, offering a closer look at the brighter side of my identity. Both pieces zoom in on specific areas of the face—one focusing on the upper left side and the other on the lower right side. They highlight aspects of myself that are more cheerful, and approachable. Through these perspectives, I am emphasizing the positive, visible expressions of my identity that I feel others often gravitate toward or expect to see.

Untitled (component, the canvas panels), 2024, 9 x 12 inches, Acrylic on canvas panels

These two paintings above are the components of the two sides of “Whisper In The Shadow” and “Persona”. Yellow represents the bright, energetic, and optimistic side of me. Red represents a cheerful, communicative, and approachable aspect that I outwardly express.

In conclusion, the exhibition “SMTNG” is an exploration of my identity, my culture, and a deeply personal journey that reflects the complexities of self-perception and external judgment. It is focused on the dynamic tension between how I see myself and how I am seen by others—two perspectives that often clash, but also inform and shape one another. Through a mix of self-portraits, symbolic imagery, and experimental materials, I capture the ongoing internal struggle that constantly shifts the landscape of my emotions, thoughts, and sense of self. Each piece is a moment in the conversation between these two forces—the public and the private, the seen and the unseen. The exhibition is not just about showcasing my own experience; it’s about embracing both sides of who I am: the side I confidently project to the world and the side I guard closely, hidden in the more intimate recesses of my being. The tension between these facets is what makes me whole, and the space in between represents the delicate balance I constantly navigate in my daily life.

This exhibition is an invitation for the viewer to not only question their own sense of identity but to reflect on the complex layers that define who we are as individuals. It challenges us to understand and celebrate the multifaceted nature of human identity—acknowledging that we are never defined by just one side, but by the fluid interplay of all the roles, contradictions, and experiences that make us whole.

References page

Kendra Cherry, Mse. (2024, February 20). How the color blue impacts moods, feelings, and behaviors. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/the-color-psychology-of-blue-2795815