As I register and think about classes I wonder, what’s the worst schedule that I could make for myself?  I got that answer when Jeremy handed me a post it with a course list that had biology, chemistry and statistics.  I decided that that wasn’t going to work, and that my semester would  probably already be hard enough taking the two sciences.  I decided to push the statistics to another semester and felt a weight lifted off my chest.  So it’s important to remember not only the caliber of the classes themselves, but how hard it’s going to be when the classes are combined with other high-difficulty classes.  That being said, it’s also important to remember that the classes do get harder and I shouldn’t be taking all of the easiest classes now, but maybe save them for a semester when I could use a less strenuous load.  The amount of money I’d like to spend on gas is a contributing factor in deciding the classes I’d like to take.  After a semester of putting $30.00 a week in my tank, it’s been kinda brutal and I’d like to do anything to take even just one commute a week off.  I work and I just picked up a second job, so for me, it’s important to have a schedule that will allow me to continue to work both jobs.

I ultimately knew that the point of this test was to prove that a lot of people have no idea what they are going to want to do in their lives after they graduate college. Only one person out of the list of ten got a career that would predictably come from their major.  This is an important  fact that most of us need to realize.  It’s okay that we’re going to take classes and then change our major and have that class become useless.  It’s okay that we’re going to hate what we’ve gotten a degree in  and never actually use it.

I think that the purpose of forcing this realization onto us is to stop us from being stubborn.   when we get an interest in something different from the major that we entered Stony Brook with.  We need to not suppress that new interest but explore it and see if that is an alternative that we might be better suited for.  I just continue to think of my friend who struggled through two semesters of engineering courses before taking a psychology class and realizing his real interest.  He’s lucky that the engineering class that he had to retake was full, because that’s what forced him into the psychology class.  Otherwise he would still be miserable trying to do something that really thought he wanted to do simply because he entered his school with that engineering major.

On the most primitive and binary gender scale, there are men and women, and on this old school scale, the “superior” gender was male.  Since then, most of us have evolved away from this antiquated belief and have adopted a view where women are equal to men, but some people can’t seem to let go of this.  I see this at work and school, where I spend all of my waking hours and some of my dormant ones.  My male coworkers like to believe that they are superior to the females and my male peers and customers aren’t much different.

I hear it a lot, “Jules, you just have to accept that men are better than girls.”  There are quite a few things wrong with that statement.  Firstly, do not try to diminish me with a nickname.  Secondly, if you’re a man in this scenario, then I’m a woman, not a girl.  Do not try to put me below you with the different nouns that you use.  Lastly, I don’t have to accept things that aren’t the truth.  As long as there is no scientific proof that men are superior to women, I will continue to believe and know that the two genders are equal.  Below is a brief list of problems that I’ve had because I’m a female.

1. The terms of endearment that are accepted as polite.
   “Thank you sweetheart.”  Strange man who I just gave his change, no.  Please do not call me honey unless you’d like to call my male coworker the same thing.  I’m not saying this is a purposeful action done by one individual, but I am recognizing that society has made it acceptable to use words like “sweetheart” and “honey” as polite for women, but boys and men are addressed as “sir” and “young man.”  Why isn’t the common polite title for a young woman “ma’am” or “miss?”
2. The misconception that the man is the leader of a relationship.
   “I wear the pants in this relationship.”  This is an equal relationship, not one where you can assert your dominance over me.
3. The different perception of actions based on gender.
   “God, you’re so bossy.”  I’m not being bossy, I’m trying to get things done so that we can leave on time, or early even.  In the back of my mind, I always think, “But you know that if you’d asked me to do something, I would have done without asking any questions.”

Having established that I’m a female and I deal with the host of problems listed above, I’m not the most traditional looking female.  I don’t have hair that cascades down my shoulders and I don’t always wear skinny jeans and floral tops with wedges.  I have short hair, I wear men’s cargo pants, I love button down shirts and I’d wear sneakers over heels any day.  The way that I project myself often leads to questions like “Are you sure that you’re straight?” and statements like “I’m sorry I thought you were a dude because you decided to dress like one today.”  My sexual orientation isn’t your business unless you’re interested in me, but yes I’m straight.  I’m not dressed “like a dude,” I’m dressed comfortably.

It’s unfortunate that we, as a population have to deal with gender stereotypes and treatments, but to anyone who has experienced it, I believe it makes us a more aware community of people, which puts us at an advantage over our more narrowminded counterparts.

After dealing with the subtleties that go hand in hand with being a woman and not presenting myself in the most feminine way, I tend to treat people exactly the same regardless of how they look or what gender they are.  I want to be kind to and respectful of everyone.  I try my hardest to make everyone feel important and like we are all just people, not men or women, and most certainly that no one is above or below anyone simply because of a gender, a sexual orientation or a physical presentation of him/herself.

I work in fast food, and I have a completely different personality when I am there, an alter ego.  I am not typically the most pleasant person, meaning I can be considered abrasive from time to time.  I also have a very short temper.   This is not the most useful characteristic for dealing with the general population that’s always in a rush or their kids who want that one specific toy.  As a result, I’ve created a work personality of sorts where I am the most upbeat, positive version of myself that I can possibly be.

Some people are kind and pleasant in return but there are the customers who take my kindness as a signal to talk down to me.  Combined with the stereotypes about the lower intelligence of fast food employees, I get a lot of people who slow down their words as they say, “Thank you dear, you’re doing a good job.”  I get a lot of customers who call me honey and baby and sweetheart.

To the boys in their late teens and early twenties, I’m sorry, I’m not being nice because I think you’re cute and I want to flirt with you.  I’m being nice because I’m supposed to be.  To the older men who think that think I’m not that smart and that I’m just a little girl who you can talk down to, again, I’m just trying to make this experience as painless as possible.  If you hand me twelve cents, after I enter the money you first gave me, don’t worry, I’ll still be able to make change for you without you explaining it to me.  However, I only get a little angry when I see a customer who one day called me “honey” call my male coworker “sir” because I know, or at least I hope that the use of these diminutive terms is subconscious.

I accept these little diminutive nuances because I know it’s not the worst thing that could happen.  I have had a customer say to me, about my Hispanic coworker, “Can you just make sure that she knows what she’s making, I don’t know if she can read that I don’t want cheese on that.”  Knowing where this was going, I played dumb and answered, “Yeah, she knows what she’s doing, why?”  The woman was slightly embarrassed, but went on to say, “Well, she just didn’t look like she knew English, so I thought I would ask you to make sure.”

I g=have been on the receiving end of one of the most harmless microaggressions.  I haven’t been asked about my race, or about my sexuality, just my gender.  I haven’t been put down, just mildly disrespected, and maybe the person who said “baby” just thought they were being nice.  I know what something so mild feels like so I would hate to hurt anyone else with something more severe and I try to monitor what I say so as to prevent anyone from feeling how I do.

Group projects can either be amazing, or absolute torture.  Ideally a group project is a way to learn to work collaboratively to create a product that is a representation of everyone’s equally important contribution.  I remember this happening exactly one time in my high school career.  Most group projects consist of an attempt to divide and conquer.  This would start strong and look promising with outlines of great ideas and plans, but then the night before the project was due, I, and perhaps one other person, would stay up late into the night frantically typing away trying to make sure everything looked cohesive and even halfway decent.  One time, when I was able to choose my own group, my project was done three days early, and I am very certain that the only reason that project was done early is because I was able to pick my partners.

With this prior experience in mind, my ideal group would not be assigned forcibly.  I am typically a group leader, but I am not afraid to be a follower.  I don’t need to be in a specific role within a group, rather I need to be able to trust the other people in my group.  All too often, I have gotten a text saying “Hey, I won’t be in class today so can you …” and I have absolutely no desire to experience the gut wrenching feeling that you get when you realize you’re probably going to almost fail the assignment because of one person.  In a perfect world, I would be able to pick a group that doesn’t have anyone who would drop the ball, and a group of people able to communicate their ideas, and then be able to execute them.  My role needs to be the same as everyone else’s;  do my part and not let everyone down.

The summer before my senior year of high school one of my close friends (so close we had gone to prom together) confided in me that he was struggling with suicidal thoughts and depression.  He had been accepted to and enrolled in Purdue University.  He has dreams of being an aerospace engineer, and Purdue is one of the best colleges for that specific field of engineering.  Despite his affinity for the subject, he was not accepted into that program, but as a student with an undecided major.  This condition shook his confidence, and the closer and closer the start of his semester came, the more and more unstable he became.

I found myself staying up late at night to console and encourage him in spite of his doubts.  Then, I became afraid when he would tell me that he dreamed of dying and that he would stare at knives in his utensil drawer, just wondering.  I knew how miserable he was and the threat that he posed to himself, but I let him go without a second thought, hoping he’d get better.  I was just a 16 year old girl; what did I know and what authority did I have to impact his life?

To answer that question, I was a 16 year old girl and I knew everything that they crammed down your throat about what to do if a friend or even just someone you knew was considering harming themselves.  The authority had to come from me.  I had to suck it up and make the hardest decision of my life, to tell someone or to keep quiet and keep hoping,  But, I was only 16, so I did what 16 year olds do best; I put off making that decision.  I began talking to school psychologists and health teachers, seeking advice on what to do.  Was I overreacting, was he just homesick, or was he just being moody like any other 18 year old boy?  I desperately wanted for someone to tell me it would pass, but no one did.

The moment I had been hiding from was here.  Just to ensure that I really had to tell someone, I confronted him about everything that had happened in the three months since he had departed in August.  Things had only gotten worse, and I knew that I had to inform his parents.  So I sat awake and handwrote an eight page letter to his parents detailing why I was so concerned about their son.  I left it in their mailbox because I couldn’t stand to see their son’s face as I handed it to them because he would know exactly what that letter said.  I wanted to help him but I didn’t want to see the look on his face the moment I broke his trust.

I tell myself all the time that I made the right decision because he got help, but I know that he and I will never be real friends again.  Our conversations don’t go past small talk like “how’s class/ puppy/ significant other?” and “We should totally hang out.” I know why.  Obviously, he doesn’t trust me anymore.  The other reason, which we fought about all the time, is that I won’t say I regret what I did.  I will never regret this decision because I know it is the right thing.

It took me a long time to face my moment of truth, and I will never take it back, because I saved someone I truly care about from himself.

If I’ve made it to graduation day, I must have succeeded in some way, shape, or form. However, getting a degree doesn’t necessarily mean I succeeded in all aspects of my life. I’m hoping that I’ve done more than just get a degree. All my life, I’ve strived to push myself to my limits. I hope that I can say I’ve done this here.   Seeing myself as successful hinges on whether or not I’ve done the best I possibly could and the most I possibly could. Success is knowing that I put my all into my classes, knowing that I didn’t give up, continuing to work even though it would have been easier only to go to school, and it is knowing that I’ve done everything with all of my effort.

I hope that at the end of my undergraduate college career, I can say that I was able to have two separate realms of success. I want to be successful as a student, and successful as a person. I want to have succeeded academically and maintained a high GPA. I succeeded academically in my high school career and want for that trend to continue throughout my undergraduate studies because that is an important part of who I know myself to be. I hope that I keep the same major that I have now because I am very interested in biology and animal sciences. Graduating with a biology major would prove to me that I know myself and that I know the realm in which I can succeed. Another motivating factor to push me towards academic excellence and success is this idea of the future everyone keeps talking to me about. I keep being told that college is the first day of the rest of my life, which I think is a lot of pressure to put on a seventeen-year-old working a minimum wage job at a fast food restaurant. I know that I will have succeeded when my work at undergraduate college allows me to enter graduate school and be one step closer to being a veterinarian, and one step further away from the smell of frozen french fries.

Moving away from the ever present idea of going to a good school so that you can go to an even better school, to get a good job and have a good future, I know that success is also marked by the kind of person you are. It is completely possible to succeed in business, but fail as a person. I don’t want my academic success to be tarnished by a terrible and sour personality. Part of succeeding as a person is to have a well-rounded understanding, appreciation, and respect for those who are different from you. I went to Commack High School which was a predominantly white school district and now coming to Stony Brook, I have been exposed to many different cultures and I hope that this immersion will help me to become more culturally aware and curious as a person. Even more beyond just the cultural barrier, college is a prime opportunity for young adults to express themselves, and I believe that being in this environment will open my eyes to the different social lives that my peers may have. I hope that an experience engaging with students from different backgrounds helps me grow as a person and become a better, more well-equipped adult prepared for the rest of the world.

I know that I can’t do all of these things alone and that I will have to depend on others sometimes. In higher education, there is always going to be someone who is better at a certain skill than you, and it is important to realize that it’s okay to ask for help. It’s not embarrassing and it’s not shameful. I think that being surrounded by professors and peers with great minds will help me to push myself to be a better version of me. Due to the diversity at Stony Brook, I believe that there is a wealth of different skills to take away from college, and that they range from academic organization to public speaking to compassion and sympathy for others. All of these skills and every one in between is crucial for academic and character development.

Maybe I’ll have spent half my time on campus asleep because I stayed up until 3 in the morning doing homework.  Maybe I’ll spend more time in the library than I’ll spend at home.  Maybe I’ll cry, hopefully I’ll laugh, and I better have some fun.  If I come and go from Stony Brook without having gone to office hours at least once, I would be disappointed in myself.  Being at a hotspot for scientific developments, it would make sense to participate in research.  Most importantly, if I live the commuter life and don’t stay on campus until four in the morning during finals week cramming with everyone else in the library, then I really don’t think I can say I’ve gone to college.

In a nutshell, endless opportunities to succeed are thrown at you every other second, and it is up to you to utilize them in the best way possible to succeed beyond college.

• How to use the tools available on campus to make the most of my college experience
• What organizations I can become involved in
• I want to hear other students’ opinions on The Book of Unknown Americans

My name is Julia and I’m 17. I graduated from Commack High School. I am a commuter and my vehicle of choice is a green 1995 Pontiac Firebird.  I live with my mom, stepdad and brother.  I have two dogs; one is a pit bull who we rescued from central Islip, and his name is Lowell.  The other is a 17 week old Rottweiler puppy named Nemo.  He is named after the fish because his right front paw is missing two bones so it is significantly smaller than his other three.  I love spending time with them specifically, but I love all animals, which is why I want to become a  veterinarian.  I spend my free time reading, volunteering at the Smithtown Animal Shelter, crocheting.  I am frequently found at work, a McDonald’s on Jericho Turnpike in East Northport.  I love my job and everyone I work with.  I am very outgoing and look forward to an exciting first year at SBU.

In high school I completed the International Baccalaureate Program, and received my diploma.  I am no stranger to all nighters and I believe that I will bring that experience to college, but use it to my advantage.  I am also able to sleep anywhere, so I’m sure I’ll be curled up on a couch in the commuter commons from time to time.  All kidding aside, I am a very diligent and thorough worker and I like to think that I work smarter so that I don’t have to work harder.

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