Dear Karli,

In your paper “Society and Body Images,” you explored the role that mass media plays in creating an ideal body type very well. The explanation you gave as to what that means for different sexes and what’s done by people to achieve that was on point and it’s clear that you did your research. I did feel like I learned some more about the subject but the subject itself could use some work. Many people already know that society creates this ideal body type and it’s further propagated as a result of social and mass media. Making the topic more personal or specific can strengthen your paper greatly. I do feel that a lot of the content was repeated as well. While this is good in the sense that you’re not veering away from the main subject of the paper, it can get a little boring to read the words “ideal body type” or “mass media” over and over again. Yes, this is the subject of the paper but it helps to break it up and not use the same phrasing over and over again, if it is difficult at first. In addition, it seems that your paragraphs are very long. Each one is about a page in length and as a result, there’s a lot that’s packed in, making it hard to read. While each paragraph does cover information relevant to its topic, the length makes it easy to lose focus, causing the reader to either go back or push through with confusion. Breaking up the paragraphs a bit more can make the essay overall easier to read. Overall, the paper is very well written and covers a topic that’s becoming increasingly important. It’s clear that you did your research and you know a lot about the topic, but by applying what I said above, I think your paper can be even stronger. As a male, it was interesting to learn that more males develop eating disorders than I initially thought, and it’s one of the things that I will be taking away from this paper.

Regards,

Muhammad