The negativity surrounding graduate schools is becoming greater and greater as I progress through my undergraduate education. As a second year student in medical school, my sister tells me every weekend that her curriculum funneled an incredible amount of information in a short period. Because of this, she had to cram for her school tests, and she feels terribly unprepared for her board exams. Do we really want our future doctors to cram information that could potentially alter a life-changing diagnosis?

Reading an article for my writing class called “Fixing Grad School,” I noticed some reoccurring issues about grad school that have come up throughout the semester. These trends included accruing lots of debt, students not finishing, and graduates not receiving jobs. The article states that the fundamental problem is teaching; everybody is quick to blame and reform graduate education but nobody every talks about how to improve the teaching aspect of it. Furthermore, the author also mentions that exams should be more authentic and practical. In some biology programs, students have to present original research in front of a committee, which definitely would promote better learning. I have been working in a research lab for almost two years now, and I have learned how useful and tangible science can be, in stark contrast with the theoretical information I was learning in class.

The feasibility of dissertations is also called into question as it is described as a “costly and misguided mistake.” Few people will read them, mostly because of the outrageous length of the paper. Perhaps, the content has become a turn-off too. Let me explain by making an analogy to grant writing, another prolific genre in the academic environment. As a genre analysis project for class, I analyzed the broader socioeconomic implications of grant writing at the science graduate level (I am modifying this assignment for an article to be published in the Young Investigators’ Review, an undergraduate science magazine at Stony Brook). Grants suffer from lengthy requirements as well, which takes away from the time the researcher needs to conduct the science. An Australian study mentions that over a span of a year, researchers spent a combined five centuries writing grant proposals, of which only about 20% got accepted. These researchers essentially wasted four centuries of time and effort on grants that would not even get accepted! Imagine the state of their projects if they had spent that time on the science instead!

Even the content of both genres is affected by the economic motivations. Both dissertations and grants are framed to get something from the reader, to prove that they are worthy of some award or letter of acceptance. These days, nobody seems to write just to write. There is always an agenda for writing in academia, whether it’s trying to get published or get funded. It will be interesting to see what happens if that motivation goes away.

So what is the solution? First, to solve the dissertation and grant problems, one can decrease the length criteria in order to bring learning to the forefront. As for the fading trend of learning in graduate education as a whole, intellectual entrepreneurship (refer to my first blog!) is a highly recommended option. In other words, utilize synergy groups and interdisciplinary ideas to make learning more diversified and active, including web based projects, critical reflection, collaborating with other majors, and humanities projects. The above article even mentions reading books and blogs to learn more about how to learn instead of what to learn.

Some medical schools have implemented this collaborative learning process as well. I learned about one program that gave me vibes of the show “House” where on the very first day, students are given a case file and white board. Without any knowledge, they are asked to role play doctor-patient dialogue and diagnose the condition as a group. For instance, if they believe it to be a viral problem, then the whole group takes a couple days to study as much microbiology as possible and tries to figure out what it is. Doctors and professors sit in on the small group and facilitate conversation and learning. The craziest part is that this process starts on the first day of medical school and is continued for the entire year with various patient profiles. This type of close-knit, discussion based learning is the future of graduate education; hopefully, it will dispel the notions of cramming and inspire some passion or greater purpose in today’s competitive, fame-seeking society.

The beast of social media has reared its head and bitten off a piece of civilization. Everywhere I go, I see people surfing through Facebook or Instagram, looking and judging whether the post is fit to Like for their great standards. People would rather look at their phone screens than have a face-to-face conversation these days. Don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to social media. I am the administrator of two Facebook pages, so I know how powerful it can be regarding advertising, collaboration, communication, and learning. In fact, learning is vital for me since I get most of my news and current events knowledge via Facebook. However, people have a habit of taking things too far. When a distraction changes into something ugly, something that inspires conflict, then some type of silver lining must be used to remedy this.

In my Writing for the Professions class, we read an article about how colleges view the social media pages of its applicants and it could be a deciding factor in their decision. One of the applicants actually wrote extremely disparaging comments on her Twitter about other students, which would have gotten her rejected if she had not already been rejected because of her academic performance. It is outrageous what people will post on the most public forums. Did you know that there is a whole Tumblr page about people taking selfies at a funeral (http://selfiesatfunerals.tumblr.com/)? Also, in the wake of the Paris terrorist attack, I have seen some disturbing responses on Facebook, including a video about how a man screams “Every Muslim is a terrorist” at a community meeting where a Muslim man is presenting plans for a new mosque. (http://www.mediaite.com/tv/virginia-mosque-meeting-gets-ugly-every-one-of-you-are-terrorists/) I have seen several egregiously racist comments and memes by people who are my Facebook friends (not to be mistaken with my real friends), people I know from my primary and secondary schools.

However, there is a silver lining here. Anyone and everyone will get an opportunity to speak their minds; social media has encompassed the very American idea of freedom of speech and has allowed people from any part of the world to practice this independence. These outlets have torn open wormholes in the very fiber of our society, giving us a peek of the thoughts, visions, and memories of people halfway across the world. Social media has spread democracy to the entire globe.

It even promotes the idea of argumentation and sparks debates, something Americans love to do. For instance, the other day I was reading a lengthy Facebook thread about the recent decision to make Stony Brook University tobacco-free in 2016. One of my friends was very cogently stating the positive nature of this program, arguing that it was okay for people to poison their own bodies but don’t endanger the lives of others via secondhand smoke. After I saw this, I went to the CDC Fact Sheet and found out that 2.5 million people have died from secondhand smoke effects since 1964! Looking back at the thread, I read through the dissonance that my friend’s sound argument created. People who never cared about history suddenly were talking about constitutional rights and writing long diatribes about how the university could not take away their legal right to smoke. They were bringing in data from various studies and doing the research to protect what was important to them. If only they spent this amount of time and effort on their studies! (Just kidding, for all I know they could be spectacular students.)

The point is that this digital communication medium has allowed for an equality that is undervalued, a level playing field for people of all backgrounds and idiosyncrasies to express themselves. I am astonished and sometimes reviled by the things people post, but at least if it is reaching me, I know I will have an opportunity to change their mind.

Fixing my tie first, I reached for the doorknob with sweaty hands. I walked into the waiting room, and several pairs of eyes swiveled to look at me. The people were dressed in suits and dresses, looking so desperately clean and clinging to their chairs as if someone was ready to steal them. I smiled weakly and looked away from my competition. My stomach rumbled with apprehension, and I walked to the office to sign in.

The memory of my first medical school interview will always be seared into my memory. The waiting room was filled with an assortment of people. The first-timers, including me, were quiet and nervously shaking their legs. The older ones sat poised and struck up whimsical conversation with the person next to them. Others couldn’t help but fill awkward silence with their voices, while a couple kept walking to the bathroom and water fountain. Important looking people in white coats walked past us, smiling fleetingly and almost pityingly at us. Some of the adults even made a valiant effort to break the tension with funny stories, but nervous, false laughter is what they got in return.

My stomach gave another ache, churning with anxiety and a relentless pressure. There was so much riding on this interview, as this could be the only interview I would ever get. The immense expectations of my parents to get into medical school, especially after my sister did it so easily, was the main dilemma that swirled within me. Also, how about all the people that I told about applying to medical school? My friends, family members, research lab Ph.Ds, professors, and random people who just had to ask the question, “What do you do?” All of these people expected me, a high-achieving Honors College student whose entire family is successful, to get into medical school without a problem.

Recently, I read a New York Times article called “Suicide on Campus and the Pressure of Perfection”, by Julie Scelfo (http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/education/edlife/stress-social-media-and-suicide-on-campus.html?_r=2). The article talks about a student at the University of Pennsylvania, Kathryn DeWitt, who battles depression and suicidal thoughts because of the academic and social pressure that pervades her life. She talks about how easily her classmates accomplish things, and even the parties they attend and meals they eat seem better. One Penn senior says, “Nobody wants to be the one who is struggling while everyone else is doing great. Despite whatever’s going on-if you’re stressed, a bit depressed, if you’re overwhelmed-you want to put up this positive front.” The article also talks about the Duck Syndrome; a duck appears to glide calmly, but underneath the water’s surface, it paddles frantically for its life.  

I feel like a duck sometimes, when I’m buried under so much work and stress but I put up that calm, composed demeanor and diffuse any inquiries with a joke or euphemism. I am not nearly at the level of depression and mental state of the student in the article, but I think this issue needs to be highlighted. Our society is so dependent on competition and instills in today’s students to keep running, running until you win or fall over. It is this pressure that causes students like Madison Holleran to commit suicide. Holleran was also a UPenn student who seemed to have a perfect life, shown by the perfect smile she had in all her Instagram photos. Holleran was also part of the track team at Penn, further creating the image of a fulfilled student. It is a shame that a girl with such potential ended her life because she was worn out by the race, tired of the pressure to perform.

I am tired of the race too. During the interview, I was asked what my biggest accomplishment was. Giving it some thought, I answered that my ability to adapt and manage my time had become my best attribute. Over the past couple semesters, taking 23 credits with all my other responsibilities has taken its toll, and leisure time was very scarce. While sitting in class, there was always another assignment, another test, or just another class on my mind (of course, I didn’t say this part in the interview. That would have been bad!). The key to keeping my sanity was to find a simple point of stability or an outlet to channel my frustration. Luckily, I found both. My point of stability was my friend group; they could always be counted on to make me feel better and taught me that it was easier to laugh than cry. On the other hand, my outlet for my frustration was more physical: working out. After I work out, a feeling of strength pervades my body, and I am ready to conquer, tackle, and fight any obstacle that stands before me.

So find your outlet, find your stability before it is too late. I realized very quickly that I will be long gone by the time society fixes itself.

Walking out of the room after Dr. Gene Hammond’s talk, I was absolutely stunned and a little emotional. Life had always been streamlined for me, as it had never crossed my mind that I should not be a doctor. I enjoyed helping people and I loved science. It was perfect. But this year has made me rethink some of my future goals, as my struggles with the MCAT may directly change the trajectory of my career. One test grade could determine the rest of my life.

Listening to the director of the writing department, I realized that maybe my career wasn’t supposed to be linear, maybe it wasn’t supposed to be perfect. Even students in our class had similar stories of hardship and migration from field to field. But the idea of even attempting that is so alien and scary to me. My foreboding grows even greater as I think about how my parents will react to me changing disciplines, after I have spent so much of their money going to school as a pre-medical student.

All of these ideas were confirmed when Sacha Kopp, the Dean of College of Arts and Sciences, gave his talk in our class. It was surprising to hear him say that he failed to get every job he ever applied for. He went on to say that many people do not get it right the first time, and there is no yellow brick road, no map revealing the path to the future. That is the interesting thing about a pre-medical track and why there is such a demand for it: it provides security and a general career layout. Whenever someone asks me about it, I can always say something along the lines of:

It is a succinct plan and will keep at bay the constant inquiries of my family and friends. Honestly, I don’t know what the right choice is right now; how can I decide what I want to do for the rest of my life in four short undergraduate years? Many students face this dilemma, so it is not surprising to say that our desires are correlated with success rate. One of my good friends once told me that if he is not good at something, he stops doing it. I asked him how will he ever enjoy new experiences and truly appreciate that feeling of triumph when conquering a fear or hardship. He retorted with “Only the rich have time to do that.” He was joking at the time, but I sincerely believe that people think this way. The scariest phobia for any person is the fear of failure because it is chronic, it will always be there, digging its way into every cranny of the brain. I have this fear everyday, applying to medical schools with my subpar MCAT grade.

But I still move forward and try to improve myself day by day. Right now, I know that I do not want to change disciplines no matter what hardship I face. I want to pursue science because it challenges me and makes me earn every exam grade. Also, I have made it my life’s goal to help people that don’t have the same opportunities as us. If any of that changes, then I know that it is okay to choose another path. But I refuse to take the easy road and settle for something less than I am capable of. The road may be long and complex, but the journey, not the result, is often the best part.   

The world’s deadliest animal is defined by the number of people killed by that animal per year. Most people would guess that this animal would be other humans, but in fact mosquitoes kill almost twice as many people as humans do annually. This semester, I became an intern for Mosquitoes Be Gone, a start-up company developed by one of my fellow students. She invented an all-natural mosquito repellent in high school, and now she is looking to obtain some investors and market the product. Part of the profits of the company will actually be donated by giving these repellents to developing countries that truly face the dangers of the diseases passed on by mosquitoes, but can’t afford the repellents in the current market.

The idea of an “Intellectual Entrepreneurship” is what pushed me to become part of this internship. The underlying idea of the program is that education should be a vehicle to a bigger goal, not the destination. The whole point of the program (a graduate program, but it applies to the undergraduate level also) is to take control of one’s education. After they get their degrees, most Ph.Ds are on top of the world and ready to get out there and get jobs immediately. But then they realize that there is very minimal job opportunity in their field and they have no idea how to translate their academic education into the workplace. In response, a university in Texas began this program to teach people how to translate those skills. Synergy groups were promoted, getting people from different disciplines and pooling their knowledge to solve a community problem. Internships and workshops were given to help people with the transition into the workplace and turning theory into practice.

This startup company is essentially a synergy group, as many of us have different majors and qualifications that allow us to be as creative and dynamic as possible. As the web design/social media intern, I helped make the website (mosquitoesbegonellc.com) and I currently manage the Facebook page. It has been incredible to get this inside perspective about how a business works, and I am quite amazed by the complexity of the whole process. Some of the challenges we have faced this semester have been finding a bottle/packaging that is inexpensive and environmentally safe, learning about the patent process, finding laboratory space, and coming up with a motto and logo that isn’t too childish or generic.

It feels amazing to be at the head of a transformative, real-world movement. Having traveled a lot, especially in places like India and South America, I have witnessed firsthand the struggles with unavailable medicare and lack of resources in these countries. I want to make this world healthier and stronger; that is why I invested so much time into my club, where we fund surgeries in developing countries, and that is why I joined Mosquitoes Be Gone. However, my selfish reason for joining this company involves the idea of Intellectual Entrepreneurship. This experience is my first step into the door of the medical workplace, and will provide me with the expertise on how to combine business, medicine, technology, and research to make a tangible difference.