Building a Community of Respect  

There are over 24,000 graduate and undergraduate students on Stony Brook’s campuses. Each student has been selected for their academic excellence and their unique experiences. Each student comes from a different background and is pursuing different different educational goals.

As a campus community we have a responsibility to respect each student, faculty, and staff member as a human being and an individual so that each one of us can achieve our goals. It is in our personal and academic interests to learn from one another, and this can only be achieved by listening and communicating with each other in respectful ways.

How do we demonstrate that respect? Civility is the language of respect. Civility refers to a set of organizing principles, rules, and societal norms that govern our behavior as members of a community. In a community in which each of us may have different goals, different ways to show respect, and differing societal norms, it is important to build some shared community guidelines. On campus there are layers of these guidelines, including the Code of Conduct, the Terms of Occupancy for Residence Halls, class ground rules, the Community Pledge, as well as unwritten expectations like “appropriate classroom behavior” and “civil discourse.”

The following discussion outlines some of these, and they are by no means fixed or comprehensive. These guidelines and expectations will change as we grow as a university and a community. Committees that decide campus guidelines typically have at least one student member, and your actions help define behavioral norms both on and off campus. As you read consider the following discussion questions:

• What does civility mean to you? How does your own conception relate to the guidelines and expectations outlined in this chapter?
• What kinds of civil and uncivil behaviors do you experience on campus? How do the civil behaviors foster community? How are the uncivil behaviors disruptive to others?
• What elements of civil discourse could you incorporate into your daily interactions?

Using Civil Discourse

While communicating your ideas with others, the following are “best practices” to follow to create a civil discourse, or a discussion that is both respectful and productive. These are also great tips in constructing a college-level academic paper, also!

• Construct an argument that includes both reasoning and evidence. In other words, be clear about how you are making your assertion and support it with the best facts you can find. Stating both reasoning and evidence furthers the discussion and challenges us to come up with more solid reasoning and better evidence.
• Separate the person from the problem. Focus on the issues and avoid personal attacks. Thoughtful people can come to opposite conclusions.
• Find common ground. When working within a group, it may be difficult for all members to agree on one correct method of carrying out an intended goal. Stylistic differences and opposing viewpoints can potentially lead to conflict if not properly managed. The key here is to remain focused on that common goal and work to incorporate different ideas and voices in an effort to get to a “yes” answer from all parties involved.
• Consider the difference between the intent and impact of what you say and do. When you communicate with people, the “intent” of your words or actions may not be understood as you intended it to be. The “impact,” or the way in which what you said was understood, will influence the behavior of the other person. Have you ever experienced a misunderstanding with a friend or classmate over something that you felt you had clearly communicated? Did you ever have an unexpected impact on a person with whom you were communicating and had no idea why? You may have said something that you intended to mean one thing, yet to the person who heard it, it may have had a very different impact.
• If speaking from your own experience, use “I” statements. Experience is a great teacher and you have a lot of knowledge from those experiences that can make very valuable contributions in class and out. But it is important to realize that others will have very different experiences that are equally valuable. By using “I” statements that acknowledge your experience, you create statements that avoid making others’ experiences seem less valid.
• Keep an open mind. As you persuade others of your point-of-view, allow yourself to carefully consider any opposing ideas. You must recognize that as you are free to express your views in a civil manner, do not encroach upon the right of others to do the same.
• When you disagree, consider the non-verbal ways of showing respect:

Do: listen actively, nod, and make eye contact. Express your opinions without personalizing.

Do not: interrupt, shout, raise your voice, stare, glare, roll your eyes, point, or get in someone’s space.

Bias-Free Communication

One way civil discourse can quickly become uncivil is through use of biased language. Bias typically involves predisposition on an issue or built-in stereotypes about a group of people that may make it difficult to be neutral when communicating with others. When bias exists in individual attitudes, it is often reflected in the language and in the way that individuals interact with each other. Many times, we do not intend to exclude or offend others by the words we choose. We may simply lack information about, and sensitivity to, certain words or phrases. Being aware and mindful of our language, both written and oral, can help create a supportive and inclusive climate. (Michigan State University, Guidelines for Communicating in a Diverse Community)

Guidelines for Achieving Bias-Free Communication

• Be aware of words, images and situations that suggest that all or most members of a group are the same. Stereotypes often lead to assumptions that are unsupportable and offensive.
• Avoid qualifiers that reinforce stereotypes. A qualifier is added information that suggests what is being said is an exception to what is expected.
• Identify people by identity characteristics only when relevant. Very few situations require such identification.
• Be aware of language that, to some people, has questionable racial or ethnic connotations. While a word or phrase may not be personally offensive to you, it may be to others.
• Be aware of the possible negative implications of color symbolic words. Choose language and usage that do not offend people or reinforce bias. In some instances, black and yellow have become associated with the undesirable or negative.
• Avoid patronizing language and tokenism toward any racial or ethnic group.
• Substitute substantive information for ethnic clichés. Don’t let ethnic clichés substitute for in-depth information.
• Review media to see if all groups are fairly represented.

(Taken from the Anti-Defamation League, 2007. Originally adapted with permission from Without Bias: A Guidebook for Nondiscriminatory Communication, Second Edition with permission from John Wiley & Sons, Inc. © 1982.)

Civility in our Campus Community

So far, we have addressed general practices and principles of civility and civil discourse. There are also layers of expectations for community behavior specific to the Stony Brook campus.

Stony Brook University’s Community Pledge is a voluntary pledge to create a campus community that promotes diversity and supports every member of the community. The Stony Brook community has come together to affirm that no one should suffer abuse because they are different in any way. The spirit of the pledge is to create a community of respect for everyone on our diverse campus, no matter their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, level of ability, or any other difference.

 

As a member of the Stony Brook University community, I agree to promote equality, civility, caring, responsibility, accountability, and respect. I recognize the importance of understanding and appreciating our differences and similarities.
Therefore, I pledge the following:

• I will not encroach on the rights of others, either as individuals or as groups.
• I accept the obligation to listen to and understand the beliefs and opinions of others, and to treat others fairly.
• I am accountable for my own behavior. I accept that I am, in part, responsible for the welfare of the community itself.
• I will stand up for the dignity of every member of this community.
• I will celebrate and express pride in our community’s diversity in all its forms: race, gender identity, differing abilities, religion, sexual orientation or any of the dimensions which makes each person uniquely human.

Rules and Regulations on Campus

The Conduct Code

Every student who attends Stony Brook University has digitally signed the Conduct Code via SOLAR. The University Student Conduct Code governs the behaviors of any student who has chosen to be a part of the Stony Brook University community. The Code provides an overview of the rules and regulations that are in place. It is designed to protect the rights of the community while respecting the rights of each individual. You should be able to carry on your daily business safely, peacefully, and productively while you are here; these rules and regulations have been designed to accomplish that goal. For all students, the Student Conduct Code supports compliance with the state and federal laws related to drugs, alcohol, weapons, discrimination, sexual assault or abuse, and racial, sexual, or sexual-preference harassment. For more information visit the Office of University Community Standards website.

Do you know? Some facts to know about the Code of Conduct:

• The University defines hazing as endangering the mental or physical health of another for the purpose of affiliation with any organization.
• The code may be applied to off-campus violations when students are participating in University-sanctioned activities, such as sporting events, field trips, conferences, or are exercising privileges granted to Stony Brook students.
• The code explains who hears cases of academic dishonesty.

Residential Community Standards

Living in Undergraduate Residence Halls offers resident students a unique opportunity to interact with people from different parts of the country and world. As a resident, you will be living with or near people who are of varying ages and who have varying cultural norms. It is important to the Division of Campus Residences that residents of Campus Housing celebrate these cultural differences, while abiding to the following rules and regulations which have been implemented for the health and safety of all parties. Though your cultural norms may be different from those of your room/apartment/suite mates and/or neighbors, there are still certain rules and regulations by which you must abide in order to live within Campus Housing (This is from the beginning of the Terms of Occupancy).

One of the campus documents that govern the behavior in the Undergraduate Residence Halls is the Terms of Occupancy. This document outlines residence hall policies, occupancy guidelines, financial obligations, standards of living, safety, and security, information about emergency maintenance/custodial situations, and minimum standards for conditions of residential facilities. You agreed to the Terms of Occupancy when going through your room selection, as well as when you signed for the key to your room. You are responsible for knowing and understanding what is in the document.

Do you know?:

• Even if you are 21 and legally allowed to have alcohol in your room there is a limit how much you can have. No individual student who is 21 or older may possess in their room more than six (6) 12 oz. bottles/cans of beer OR 1⁄2 gallon of wine OR 0.5 or 1⁄2 liter of spirits at one time.

Sharing the Community

In the Residence Halls

Living in a residence hall at Stony Brook University can be an exciting and valuable experience. Living on campus can be an integral part of students’ education by fostering the development of the individual and enriching their academic experience. Guiding the efforts to enhance the development of the individual resident are the principles of preparing the individual to make a positive contribution to the campus and in society. The Residence Hall staff challenges residents to examine their value systems, and by teaching and modeling such characteristics of citizenship as interdependence, acceptance of differences, and pride in and responsibility for one’s community (Adapted from the Campus Residences Mission Statement).

Residence Hall Communities

The communities that develop in residence halls and even on individual floors start from the very beginning. Resident Assistants hold floor meetings during the first week of school to discuss their community expectations and for residents to get to know each other. Throughout the year, the Resident Assistants continue to ensure that these expectations are being met, to serve as a resource for residents, and to provide educational and social programs for their community. Campus Residence staff encourage residents to be active in their communities through participating in Hall Council, attending events, holding their peers accountable for their actions, and working with each other to create a welcoming and enjoyable community.

Roommate/Suitemate Agreements

Another document that is available to you is a roommate/suitemate agreement. This document can assist you in having conversations with your roommates about living preferences. While it might seem silly, it is important to talk about who is going to be responsible for the cleaning, what items roommates will share, what your preferences are for studying, sleeping, and having guests, and how you are going to communicate about your differences.

Off-Campus

Living, working, or spending time off-campus also comes with responsibilities to the community at large. Whether you live at home, in an apartment, or in a shared house, whether you go to the mall on the weekends, or take the train to New York City, building a good rapport with your neighbors helps build your own network as well as develops the reputation of the University. Our community service and our positive interactions with the community have already established Stony Brook’s excellent reputation in the surrounding area and abroad. This reputation is what makes employers and businesses want to hire Stony Brook students and contribute to the life of the campus community.

Did you know that off-campus violations can have repercussions on-campus too? As discussed earlier, the Code of Conduct allows the University to take judicial action for serious violations that occur off-campus. A party off campus that results in underage drinking can be prosecuted in Suffolk County and result in judicial action on campus, too. Matty Punnett, Director of the Office of University Community Standards, sees these actions as primarily educational. She says, “The most important thing for students to understand is that even if you live off campus, you are still part of the University. We have resources to help you with whatever situation you might encounter: CPO, the Ombuds Office, Disability Support Services, the Dean of Students’ Office, and the Counseling Center.”

In the Classroom

Both academic freedom and freedom of speech are foundational principles of academic institutions. Students and professors have the freedom to teach and learn whatever they think is a worthy topic. That freedom is key to academic discovery of all types. If Galileo had not pursued his hypothesis that the earth revolves around the sun against immense societal and religious pressure to believe otherwise, we might still believe that Earth was the center of the universe. Lively debate is not only welcome across campus, but in the context of a small seminar class, students are expected to form their own opinions and share them with the class.

But while no one can take away the freedom to pursue any subject of inquiry, the means and methods have rules of engagement to make sure everyone is treated with respect. In addition to the basic rules outlined in the Conduct Code, each class may have rules of engagement outlined in the syllabus. Instructors and students may also create a set a set of “ground rules” for class discussion.

Civility On-line

• Remember the human being at the other end of the post. Don’t post anything you wouldn’t say to someone’s face.
• Take responsibility for your own content. Make sure you cite all content on your page that is not yours.
• Take responsibility for other people’s comments on your pages. No matter whether you have started a blog or you just have a Facebook page, set the level of discourse high and take down comments that are inappropriate. Follow copyright rules and do not defame or threaten other people.
• Stay positive. Be constructive. Online forums often tend towards the negative, and it is easy to get sucked into engaging with negative discussion. Your negative responses are unlikely to move other contributors and will serve to make you look bad.
• Remain professional. Follow the guidelines in your posts for civil discourse discussed earlier in this chapter. Before you click “share” think about whether you would want a potential employer to see your post. Comments linger. Uncivil or inappropriate comments, photos, and videos can remain attached to your name even after you have deleted them. Some human resources departments find ways around Facebook restrictions and can reconstitute old posts that you think you have deleted.

Civility in Cyberspace (Cyber Ethics)

The explosion of social networking and the ubiquitous sharing and posting of so much information online has changed the way we communicate. We must ensure that users understand their responsibilities for conducting themselves online. An important component of that is Cyber Ethics. Cyber Ethics refers to the code of responsible behavior on the Internet.

We should all employ the basic tenets of Cyber Ethics to be good “cyber citizens.” In the same way that each culture teaches its citizens the ethics of business, education, government, etc., those who use the Internet must be taught ethical practices in every aspect of its use. The power of the Internet means that anyone can communicate at any time, with anyone, anywhere. While this has undeniable benefits, there can also be negative consequences. Anonymous posting to blogs, websites and social media can encourage bad behavior by eliminating the need to stand behind the words used. A significant issue of increasing concern is cyber bullying. What were once comments confined to the school yard or hallways are now magnified by the power and anonymity of the Internet. Developments in electronic media offer new forums for bullies, and the actions can range in severity from cruel or embarrassing rumors to threats, harassment, or stalking. The effects can be far-reaching and long-lasting.

What Are The Rules Of Ethical Cyber Activity?

The basic rule is do not do something in cyberspace that you would consider wrong or illegal in everyday life. When determining responsible behaviors, consider the following:

• Do not use rude or offensive language.
• Do not be a bully on the Internet. Do not call people names, lie about them, send embarrassing pictures of them, or do anything else to try to hurt them.
• Do not copy information from the Internet and claim it as yours.
• Adhere to copyright restrictions when downloading material, including software, games, movies, or music from the Internet.
• Do not break into someone else’s computer.
• Do not use someone else’s password.
• Do not attempt to infect or in any way try to make someone else’s computer unusable.

We were taught the rules of “right and wrong” growing up. We just need to apply the same rules to cyber space!

Resources For More Information on Cyber Civility and Security 

Department of Information and Technology (DOIT) –Stony Brook University

Computer Crime & Intellectual Property Section — United States Department of Justice

Microsoft Safety & Security Center

Cyber Bullying Prevention Lessons- NCSA and CyberSmart!

Teaching your children acceptable behavior on the Internet

Cyber Citizen Partnership

Division of the Center for Internet Security, MS- ISAC