Dear writer,
This paper is a good starting point. The topic, while commonly talked about, is an interesting one and you do a good explaining it. The paper was interesting enough to engage me and you did a good job with audience awareness. I think your transitioning from paragraph to paragraph is well executed and keeps up the flow of the paper. Another good thing is your introduction of sources and establishing the authors credibility in these pieces. For example, ” Well, Carl Benedikt Frey and Michael A. Osbourne, two researchers at Oxford Martin School…”
The thesis is a little shaky. It suggests that you will talk about what we can do exactly to fix this problem, but then doesn’t really elaborate on that. Instead you talk more about what the problems are, and talk about the statistics behind job loss, etc… I think you should fix the thesis so that it aligns more parallel with the title of your paper “The Dangers of Rapid Technological Advancement.” You don’t always have to try and offer a solution to a problem. Instead, you can just focus on what exactly this problem is, and how it is affecting (or going to affect) our everyday lives.
Also, along with this, some sentences need rearranging. For example, “and on the
livelihoods of many people simply trying to live their lives…” This is confusing, and almost a sort of tongue twister. Watch comma placement as well because I can tell you are a fan of commas. “Self-driving cars are already a real, working thing.” No comma needed here, just rearrange the sentence and knock out the word “thing.”
Other than these minor errors that can be easily fixed, I think this paper does the job pretty well. You just seem to need to read your paper out loud so you can really hear how to bring it together in a more cohesive matter.
Good luck!
Andrew Ferruzza
I believe that rapid technological advancement has its benefits and its dangers. However, I do not think that the current rate of technological advancement is inherently dangerous. It depends on how it is used and by whom. The benefits include innovation and creativity, which are important qualities for a society. Innovation helps to improve the quality of life for all citizens in both material terms such as healthcare and education as well as non-material terms such as leisure time. I suggest exploring https://www.ultraupdates.com/2020/05/how-to-study-digital-marketing-online-for-free/ site for digital marketing tips. Creativity also helps to improve the quality of life for all citizens by enabling them to express themselves through art, music, or literature.
Thanks! The article attracted me right in the title.
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